John Kusters Jr.

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Scouting Report: Valencia

2026-05-08 / / 0 Comments

The next city on our list was Valencia (or València in Valencian). From our initial online research, this city was high on my list. Let’s see how it fared.

As a reminder or the criteria we were using to evaluate the neighborhoods:

  • Walkability: we want to be able to ditch cars entirely and utilize walking and public transportation
  • Café Life: a variety of cafés and restaurants to be able to dine at, preferably al fresco when the weather allowed
  • European Charm: several story buildings (but not too many stories), with interesting architectural details, balconies (usually tiny), and painted in bright colors
  • Green Space and Public Life: parks, plazas, promenades, and other places to sit, read, observe, and socialize
  • Lots of small stores where daily shopping could occur
  • Enough people on the streets for a vibrant feeling, but not so much that it felt crowded
  • Lack of nightclubs or other facilities where loud music would be heard late into the night.
  • Proximity of stores that support our hobbies (in our case, knitting, tabletop gaming, and art)
  • A feeling of safety and comfort for a gay couple in our later years
  • Places that supported a sense of culture and lifelong learning

We took a regional train from Barcelona to Valencia — one that topped out at 200 km/h, which, from this Californian’s perspective, is still impressively fast. Valencia’s main station, the Nord Estación, is a delightful building that was undergoing renovation during our visit. Since our hotel in Sant Francesc was just a short walk away, we arrived on foot feeling fairly pleased with ourselves — until we discovered the oddly shaped lobby, which made hauling all our luggage in a single trip something of a puzzle. The staff at the front desk were warm and welcoming, and our room came with a balcony overlooking the pedestrian mall below, which my husband happily claimed as his own.

The neighborhood itself is quite upscale, centered around the city hall and the beautiful plaza fronting it. High-end boutiques line the streets — not quite on the level of Barcelona’s Passeig de Gràcia, but close — and tourists were a noticeable presence even in May. It never felt truly crowded, though that’s likely a function of visiting in the shoulder season rather than the height of summer. Charming as the area is, I suspect we’d grow weary of the tourist foot traffic over time; if it’s already this busy in mid-spring, I can only imagine what July must look like.

We did explore a bit of Sant Francesc during our first day there, walking around the city hall plaza and finding a candy store where we indulged our sweet tooths. Dinner was at a pizza place close to the hotel. We followed it up, as we often do, with gelato.

There were nine neighborhoods I wanted to visit during the week we were in Valencia, several of them close enough together to make it possible to visit more than one a day.

Russafa (or Ruzafa in Valencian)

A very short walk from our hotel, this neighborhood is reportedly one of the centers of nightlife in the city. The center of the neighborhood, according to the map, is a mix-mashed bunch of small streets meeting at strange angles. But this is where most of the restaurants, clubs, and shops are located. The outer areas of the neighborhood were more grid-like and open.

It was a fairly busy neighborhood when we visited during the daytime. We spent most of the time in the central area of the neighborhood, and it was busy. Not surprising since it was Saturday. We did have trouble finding a cafe for breakfast, but eventually found one on a major street on the edge of the neighborhood just south of the Ciudad Vella.

After breakfast, we tried to find a knitting store my husband had located. Unfortunately, while the listing of open hours indicated it should have been open that day, it was not. Such is things with online information in Spain; it’s not a priority to keep it up to date. We then visited the Mercat de Ruzafa, and found it similar to the mercats we had seen in Barcelona. Plenty of meat, fruits and veg, cheeses, and other products common in the central markets of Spain.

We did wander around the neighborhood, finding more restaurants and bars, but not as many of the small convenience stores that seemed so common in Barcelona. (This would be a trend throughout the city, a striking difference between Barcelona and Valencia.) As I mentioned, the streets in the center of the neighborhood were narrow, one lane one-way streets that met at odd angles. It would take me some time to learn to navigate the area.

We took our afternoon pause in the median park between the lanes of Carrer de les Filipines. Nearby was Parc Central. My husband was interested in exploring that, but I was in need of rest, so I let him go off whilst I read a book. He was gone longer than I expected, but I had not expected the park to be as big as it was. When we return, I’ll have to explore it as well.

For lunch we found a place that advertised a plethora of chicken sandwiches. The food was good, but there were a number of smokers around us on the outside dining area, which made it less enjoyable. After lunch we walked back to the hotel to rest up before dinner.

I had seen a burger place called the Black Turtle, with an English menu, during our stroll around the area, so we returned there for dinner. I was still feeling full from lunch so I had an interesting interpretation of a Caesar Salad while my husband had some kind of cheeseburger. My husband was reminded of why I avoid Pepsi products in Spain (and Europe in general): they contain artificial sweeteners, even the sugar-filled drinks. I don’t understand why. We followed dinner up by visiting one of the oldest gelaterias in Valencia (supposedly) where my husband got some chocolate with black cherry gelato. My stomach was still protesting, so I chose not to get anything.

Ruzafa is supposedly the center of nightlife in the city and kind of the center of gay life. We weren’t fond of the central region of it, with its cramped and irregular streets, but the outer areas were nice enough. There were a LOT of beautiful buildings with great architectural details. When we visited in the evening, some intersections where restaurants and bars were clustered were rather loud on a Saturday. So Ruzafa would end up in the middle of the list.

Rest Day: City of Arts and Sciences & Turia Gardens

Since we figured many stores in the neighborhoods would be closed on Sunday, we took this day to do our one tourist thing for the trip: visit the City of Arts and Sciences. We took a tram from a stop near our hotel, which was super convenient.

OMG, this place is amazing. I can see why so many TV shows and movies use it as a futuristic filming location. We did not go in any of the buildings (well, we strolled through part of the open air arboretum), but when we come back, I plan to. There’s a world-class aquarium, a hands-on science museum, an IMAX planetarium, an opera house which also hosts contemporary concerts, and more. Its gigantic!

After walking around the “City” we wandered into the adjacent Turia Gardens, one of the “Green Lungs” of Valencia. It is a 8.5 km long park that runs along the old river bed of the Turia River (which has been re-routed elsewhere). It was built after a particularly disastrous flood in 1957. It wraps around the Ciudad Vella (the old city), is crossed by several bridges, and each segment was designed by a different urban planners and designers, each with its own attractions and amenities. It’s really quite a wonder. There are walking/running and biking lanes the length of the park, lots of picnic areas, sculptures, fountains, and arbors. We didn’t walk the entire length, but we did find a nice place to sit and do our usual afternoon knit&read.

After our rest, we walked back towards the Tram but spotted a shopping mall, and realized we were crazy hungry. We wound up getting sandwiches at a Subway (slightly different sandwiches and dressings than the US version), which were pleasant enough. We didn’t explore the mall much, since all the walking in the park had wiped us out. Dinner was at a nearby Italian place where we started with a provolone fondue and I had a caramelized pineapple and ham pizza, and my husband had some gorgonzola risotto. We were stupidly stuffed after that.

Gran Via/Cánovas and Pla del Remei

We took the Tram to Gran Via the next day, getting three day passes to all of Velencia’s public transportation options. It was quite a bargain.

Gran Via, also known to locals as Cánovas, was quite nice, and is probably top of our list. Just a basic residential neighborhood with larger, though pricier, apartments. Lots of tree-lined streets, quaint architectural details, shops and restaurants. My husband enjoyed the chamfered corners of the blocks which allowed for interesting intersections, some of which were equipped with parklets. We walked the length of the neighborhood and wound up in Turia Gardens, where we shaded bench to knit and read. We then headed back into the neighborhood, along a different street, to find lunch.

We also visited Pla del Remei in that excursion. It’s the more upscale version of Cánovas, with an appropriately higher price tag, but we both loved it. Many beautiful buildings, lots of upscale shops, an El Corte Ingles (the major department store of Spain), and a metro stop in the middle. Along the way we discovered the Mercado Colón, and explored it. It was very different from the other mercats we’ve visited, much more restaurant and bar-oriented, but there was a carniceria on the lower level. We used the Metro to get back to the hotel.

For dinner we found a “food truck” restaurant in Gran Via that served grastonomic abominations. But they were tasty enough. We then walked up to the area we had been told was where nightlife was located, between Gran Via and El Pla del Remei, the Plaça de Canovas Castillon. It was nice, but apparently Mondays are almost as dead as Sundays, so it wasn’t really hopping.

Ciutat Vella & Extramurs Part 1

We visited El Botànic, El Carme, El Mercat, and a bit of El Pilar all in one day. They are smaller neighborhoods, El Botànic being part of Extramurs (“outside the walls”) and the other three being part of the old city (Ciutat Vella).

El Botànic didn’t really thrill us. The only real green space was in the Jardi Botànic, which cost money to enter. While the buildings had European charm, the sidewalks were narrower, making the neighborhood feel cramped. The lack of trees along the streets made them feel more exposed to the sun and thus warmer. The city’s most well known “Bear bar,” Bubu, is in this neighborhood but we didn’t visit it since the street it was on was under construction. There also weren’t as many stores and restaurants in this neighborhood, which made it difficult for us to see ourselves living there.

After being disappointed with El Botànic, we decided to wander into Ciutat Vella and wound up in El Carme. My research had informed me that El Carme is often considered one of the gay neighborhoods in Valencia, but I didn’t really see it. Apparently, at one point, it had a history as a center of LGBTQ+ nightlife and alternative culture, but that has now moved to neighborhoods like Ruzafa. What El Carme did have was lots of narrow streets meeting at odd angles, a LOT fewer cars, broad sidewalks, and it was VERY touristy. We did find an open yarn store, which we visited, where the shopkeepers easily switched between Spanish and really good English. We also toured a tiny little mercat there that was mostly restaurants but did not feel particularly lively. After that we walked through El Mercat, home to the biggest Mercat in Valencia, which was closed by the time we got there, and walked through a part of El Pilar on our way back to our hotel (stopping for more candy along the way).

We didn’t care for any of these neighborhoods much. The fact that there was very little public transportation available in that part of the city really knocked those areas off our list.

Extramurs Part 2: Arrancapins and La Petxina

Arrancapins and La Petxina were both similar in nature to Cánovas, but with a more working-class price tag. Primarily residential with some big schools and medical districts. One of the big gaming stores I had found in my research was in Arrancapins, though it was closed for “arrangements” when we stopped by. Petxina is also adjacent to the northern end of Turia Garden.

They are both adjacent to one of the Metro lines, so we took that from our hotel to the edge of Arrancapins and wandered around for a while. Many of the streets were tree-lined, some of the corners had benches to rest on, and there were a couple of streets that had been converted to pedestrian malls. There were plenty of restaurants around, and they seemed more geared towards Spaniards than tourists, unlike the previous neighborhoods we visited. We found one of those pedestrian malls for our knitting and reading time.

After lunch, we walked northward into La Petxina, which continued the charm of Arrancapins. We walked all of the way up to Turia Garden where some sports facilities filled the width of the park. One of them had a banner advertising the upcoming Gay Games. Having already had our sitting break, and having walked quite a bit, we didn’t explore that part of the park and opted instead to head to the Metro station so we could return to the Hotel.

We returned for dinner, and wound up at a place claiming to be “Tex-Mex”. It wasn’t really. But we did find food we were interested in eating, so that’s fine. After dinner we wandered around the neighborhood a bit more to see if there were any nighttime red flags. There weren’t, really, at least not in the areas we saw.

This region is probably number two on our Valencian neighborhood list.

El Pla del Real

Lastly, we visited El Pla del Real (primarily Expocisó and Mestalla). This seemed an odd mix of upscale and working-class. There’s a huge football stadium in the middle of it, and a bunch of buildings that looked like 70s-era public housing, built during the end of Franco’s reign. There were parts of it we liked and parts that felt uncomfortable (though not as much as El Raval in Barcelona). There was a nice part where we did our usual knitting and reading. We did get a few odd looks since we were sitting near a children’s play area without any children being around. As we were wrapping up our visit we did find an amazing Mexican fast-food restaurant there, so not all bad. But the area did not feel like somewhere we’d want to live, so we chose not to return for the nighttime check.

Conclusions

Comparing Valencia to Barcelona, there are pros and cons for each. We found L’Eixample in Barcelona to be eminently more walkable and comfortable, but apartment rental prices are much higher, and available units were few and far between. On the other hand, Valencia has a booming rental market in the areas we’d consider living in, lots of available apartments at reasonable prices. Taxes would effectively be higher in Barcelona than Valencia, but not by a huge amount. While Barcelona has all the Gaudi stuff, Valencia has Turia Park, the City of Arts and Science, an amazing zoo, and one of the most amazing central markets in the region. I could see us living in either city, but am leaning towards Valencia due to its higher affordability yet still feeling like a big city.

Next on to Alicante!

Scouting Report: Barcelona

2026-04-30 / / 0 Comments

We arrived in Barcelona on April 21, took a recuperation day, then started visiting our target neighborhoods, one per day. Our strategy was to head there early-ish, get breakfast, wander around for a while, find a shaded area with benches for people-watching and knitting (my husband) or reading (me). After a few frustrating days getting hangry as we searched for breakfast in our target neighborhood, we changed the plan to get breakfast close to the hotel, but continue with the rest of the agenda.

What were the criteria we were using to evaluate the neighborhoods?

  • Walkability: we want to be able to ditch cars entirely and utilize walking and public transportation
  • Café Life: a variety of cafés and restaurants to be able to dine at, preferably al fresco when the weather allowed
  • European Charm: several story buildings (but not too many stories), with interesting architectural details, balconies (usually tiny), and painted in bright colors
  • Green Space and Public Life: parks, plazas, promenades, and other places to sit, read, observe, and socialize
  • Lots of small stores where daily shopping could occur
  • Enough people on the streets for a vibrant feeling, but not so much that it felt crowded
  • Lack of nightclubs or other facilities where loud music would be heard late into the night.
  • Proximity of stores that support our hobbies (in our case, knitting, tabletop gaming, and art)
  • A feeling of safety and comfort for a gay couple in our later years
  • Places that supported a sense of culture and lifelong learning

Here, arranged in chronological order, are my impressions of the neighborhoods we visited.

Sant Antoni (Part 1)

This was our post-travel recuperation day, but we didn’t feel like spending the day in our hotel room. So, being curious about what “central mercats” were like, we ventured out into Sant Antoni, easy walking distance from our hotel. Sant Antoni’s central market was laid out in a cross formation. Around the outer aisles of the cross were mostly clothing and accessory stores. Pushing further into the interior we found carnicerias, fruterias, vegetable stores, nut merchants, spice merchants, and a few candy shops. The center of the market was all fish and seafood vendors (not my thing). Not much in the way of bakeries. Everything was so fresh! I could see ourselves shopping at a place like this for basic groceries.

After we completed our tour of the market, we found a seating area in a pedestrian plaza nearby in the shade where we did our first of many afternoon breaks. We spent a couple of hours there before the wind picked up and we decided to head back to the hotel room. We got dinner nearby the hotel, and enjoyed a quiet evening.

L’Antiga Esquerra de L’Eixample

Technically our hotel was in Esquerra, but my husband wanted to test out the Metro, so we took two trains into a distant part of the neighborhood. We surfaced near a major hospital. As we wandered around the neighborhood, my impression was, at first, that there were a lot of medical offices in the area. It felt less like a neighborhood people lived in, and more of a district that people visited for professional services. But walking out into the outskirts of the neighborhood, it started to feel more residential. We did wander through their central market, Mercat del Ninot, which had a supermarket underneath. Very convenient!

Foot traffic in the neighborhood was good, there were plenty of people waking the sidewalks, shopping in stores, and enjoying meals. It felt gently lively and vibrant. It felt comfortable. When we returned in the evening, it was a bit more busy, but since it was a kind of a holiday, it seemed that couples were out celebrating. It passed our “busy but not terribly noisy” test.

The holiday I mentioned was the Feast of Sant Jordi (or Saint George in English). We did not know this until, relaxing in our hotel room between lunch and dinner, we started hearing the sound of a parade in the street below our window. We went downstairs to investigate but we had apparently missed the parade, but could hear it down the street. As we walked in that direction, we found the sidewalks were much busier than they had been earlier. Then, we spotted a bunch of pop-up canopies in a nearby plaza (Plaça de la Universitat). It was a Sant Jordi faire, a celebration of the city’s patron saint. The tradition in Catalan regions is to exchange roses and books on the holiday, and this plaza was full of booksellers and florists. Of course, I could not pass up the opportunity to buy some books, and we also got a Sant Jordi plush dragon, as one does.

El Raval

The next neighborhood was El Raval, and since there was no easy metro or tram route to it, we walked the several blocks to it, arriving at the northern end of La Rambla del Raval. After getting breakfast, we wandered the neighborhood and visited its Mercat. This area felt like a mixture of working class and immigrant neighborhoods. Smaller apartments, very few visible air conditioner condenser units, narrow streets and narrow sidewalks, a greater variety of restaurants featuring foreign cuisines. The people on the street were from all over the globe. But it often felt like we were being eyed suspiciously. It was mildly uncomfortable.

The mercat in El Raval (Mercat de la Boqueria) was busier than the one in Esquerra. We noticed there were a lot more tourists there, and many more stalls that were selling take-away food. Given that this mercat was very close to the Gothic Quarter, one of the most touristy areas of the city, I theorized that the mercat was a tourist destination. It was difficult to move around in there, but we gave it a good look. There was a Dunkin’ and a Starbucks just outside the mercat, lending weight to my theory that it catered more to tourists than the other markets we had visited so far did.

After that, we retired to some benches in the Rambla for our now-customary knitting and reading. I was entertained by the flock of wild parakeets screeching and flying around the palm trees that lined the Rambla. Unfortunately, our relaxing time was spoiled by not just one but two attempts by thieves to steal our bags. Thanks to our situational awareness, peripheral vision, and the fact that the straps of our bags were wound around our arms, neither attempt was successful. Still, it really soured us on the neighborhood, so we returned to the hotel and crossed El Raval off our list.

L’Eixample Dreta

We took the Metro to this neighborhood and popped up in the middle of an intersection of pedestrian malls. Lovely! We breakfasted at Boldú, a cafe that sold doughnuts in the shape of meeples. As we wandered this neighborhood, we were delighted by the number of tree-lined pedestrian malls, more than anywhere else we had found outside of the area known colloquially as “Gaixample”. The area definitely felt upscale residential, and we found it a good fit for what we were searching for.

We visited the mercat, Mercat de la Concepción. It had a plant store/florist at the entrance, which was awesome! The market itself was similar to the other markets we visited, but without the tourist focus. Again, we could see ourselves doing our semi-weekly shopping there.

We then wandered further, eventually coming to Passeig de Gracia, the street on which all of the major clothing and luxury goods outlets could be found. There are also two different Gaudi-designed apartment buildings. It’s a broad street, with broad sidewalks, trees and benches, and lots of retail. We took our break in Plaça de Catalunya, near the Apple Store. More wild parakeets, too many pigeons, and people of all walks of life and social status. It was fairly comfortable to rest there, no feelings of impending theft.

After a lunch of paninis, we returned to the hotel. We ventured back to Dreta to determine what the nightlife scene was like. We actually found the noise level had increased along some of the streets from the daytime levels. But nothing like full-on nightclub level “thump thump” music. If we avoided living on one of those more lively streets, we could be very comfortable there.

Gaixample

Technically this was a rest day, but the gay neighborhood of Barcelona, Gaixample (say “gay zhampla”), was adjacent to our hotel, so we wandered around that area for a while. This is a roughly five by four block area where there are many gay-owned or gay-catering shops, restaurants, hotels, and more adult businesses. There are rainbow flags everywhere, quite an assortment of bars (including two bear bars across the street from each other, Honey and Bacon). This is the area on our trip where we felt most welcomed and safe. It’s super pedestrian friendly, lots of charming European architecture, and quirky stores. If we could live anywhere in Spain, without considering money, we’d both love to live in this neighborhood. Unfortunately, apartments for rent are few and far between, and the prices are very high. This, on top of the higher hit for us from Spain’s wealth tax in the Catalonia autonomous community, means we’re not likely to find something with our budget in Gaixample. Oh well.

El Poble-Sec (and Sant Antoni Part 2)

This neighborhood borders on Montjüic, and we could see that the streets along the residential area started climbing the hill the further south they went. We did find a nice pedestrian mall that ran parallel to Avinguda de Paral-lel. Unfortunately that pedestrian mall had very little shade, benches, or pastry shops. We did find something when we wandered out to the Paral-lel, so we did not perish from starvation.

El Poble-Sec definitely had a “working class” feel to it. Smaller stores, smaller apartments (according to Idealista), and the streets other than Paral-lel were smaller and less grid-aligned. It was obviously not designed by the people responsible for L’Eixample. The area is known for certain streets full of tapas bars and drinking dens. There were a scattering of parks and green spaces around, but not enough to make up the deficits of this area by our criteria.

We didn’t even stay there for lunch, but chose to wander back to our hotel through Sant Antoni for a meal. We did not return to El Poble-Sec to see what the nightlife was like there. We already knew we didn’t want to live in the neighborhood.

Gràcia

Originally a village outside the boundaries of Barcelona proper, the area was subsumed into the city as the city grew and grew. It is claimed to be the center of the Catalan independence movement in the city of Barcelona, but while we saw Catalan flags everywhere they did not seem more prevalent there than other places in the city. What was more prevalent though was the use of Catalan, with very little Spanish or English. Personally, with my teensy bit of Spanish, I found signage to be rather challenging.

We tried visiting the Mercat de l’Abaceria, only to find it surrounded by chainlink fence and heavy construction equipment. Disappointed, we wandered towards a green space along Passeig de St. Joan. Along the way we discovered a nice park in Plaça de John Lennon. We could not figure out why it had been named for the famous musician. (I’ve since learned that he stayed there for a four-day holiday once.)

The park running between the streets that make up Passeig de St. Joan contained a number of interesting things: a lively bocce area with several courts, various statuary, plenty of trees and benches, and the temporary home of the Mercat de l’Abaceria, which we did wander through. We took our rest shortly after and enjoyed the atmosphere. Unfortunately though we tried to stay in the shade, the sun kept finding us.

When we went searching for a dinner location in Gràcia, we came up empty. Nothing looked appetizing, sadly. Nearing the edge of hangry, we settled for the familiarity of McDonalds.

The fact that we found it hard to find somewhere we could both eat, and the dominance of Catalan language, led to our deciding that Gràcia was not for us.

Conclusions

Barcelona is a stunningly beautiful city, at least in the right places. Other places are a little scary. But that’s true of most cities.

I feel we accomplished our mission: we’ve selected three neighborhoods that could suit our needs. L’Eixample Dreta, Sant Antoni, and L’Antiga Esquerra de L’Eixample. All of them contiguous with one another, and coincidentally the gayborhood, Gaixample, is more or less in the middle of the three.

That said, Barcelona is likely the priciest of the four cities we’re visiting this trip, and is definitely the most impacted by the housing crisis here. We’d be fools not to acknowledge that, and the negative aspects of us renting here. We shall see if Barcelona remains at the top of our list when we’re done with the trip.

One of the unexpected delights we’ve experienced is seeing places in this city we’ve visited in previous trips to the city. That church, this restaurant, this park, that pedestrian promenade. We are typically approaching them from a different direction than we originally experienced them, so sometimes the recognition arrives late, but it’s always a pleasure. Well, except for the hotel that’s under reconstruction.

First Drafts Are Allowed to Have Info Dumps

2026-03-20 /
Photo of a LEGO model of a dump truck


I was working on the first chapter of a new novel project the other day. (Yes, another new novel project. Let’s not talk about it.) I needed to explain some backstory for my main character, so I started writing. And writing. And writing some more. Four paragraphs later, I stopped and realized what I’d done: I’d info-dumped all over my manuscript. Oh no.

It’s a cardinal rule of spec-fic writing that Info Dumps Are Bad!!! And honestly, for good reason. They stop the action cold, drag readers through details they don’t need right then (and possibly never will), and make world-building feel blatant and jarring. So we should never, ever Info Dump, right?

Well, not so fast.

Sure, you don’t want Info Dumps in your completed manuscript. By the time an editor sees your work, you’ve carefully deconstructed those dumps, scattered the important bits into dialogue and shorter descriptions, and jettisoned everything that wasn’t absolutely necessary for the story. That’s the polish your finished work deserves.

But this is the First Draft we’re talking about, and the rules are different here. You know you’re going to do a second draft. And a third. Possibly a fourth. So it’s okay—maybe even necessary—to break the rules of “good writing” and just let your fingers fly.

Sometimes an Info Dump in the First Draft is how you explore a concept that matters to the novel but hasn’t been fully examined yet. Sometimes it’s everything you want to say about a subject condensed into one set of paragraphs that you already know will be taken apart and sprinkled throughout the rest of your manuscript. And sometimes it’s just stuff you think might work in the story, and you’re giving it a test run. Regardless, it’s not final. You know it’s going to change. And that’s perfectly fine.

Maybe it’s just me, but sometimes the rules of “good writing” get in the way of my creative process. I find it helpful to stop occasionally and remind myself: First Drafts are allowed to have… well, whatever rule was stopping me from putting the words on paper. (Or in the word processor. Or on the stone tablets. Hey, I don’t know your process.)

When I catch myself being stopped by one of these rules, I like to blog about it—partly to remind myself that First Drafts operate on different rules, and partly to share these startling insights with all of you. Because if the struggle to silence the inner editor helps me get words on the page, maybe it’ll help you too.

What ADHD is Like for Me

2026-03-17 /
Letter magnets arranged to spell ADHD
Photo credit to Amen Clinics

I’m in the midst of a lengthy evaluation for ADHD. Lots of interviews, lots of surveys, a lot of hoops to jump through. I’ve long suspected that ADHD is one of the things that has been a challenge in my life, but up until recently, the process of getting evaluated was too much of a hurdle to clear. Two things changed that. First, a second brother (of my three) got his diagnosis and said the treatment was life-changing. Second, now that my husband and I are with Kaiser, there was a much more straightforward path to getting evaluated than there had been with UHC.

The finish line is approaching rapidly, so I’ve been reading the books recommended by my clinician — specifically Taking Charge of Adult ADHD by Russell A. Barkley. And I’ll be honest: it’s been discouraging. Not because the book is full of bad news — it’s not. But the ADHD it describes has very little to do with my direct experience. I just don’t see myself being described. There have been moments during my reading where I’ve genuinely wondered if I actually have ADHD, or whether the problems I’m dealing with are symptoms of something else entirely. So I’m doing the thing I often do when something’s rattling around in my head: writing it out to explore it, and sharing it in case others are dealing with the same and have some insight to share.

The symptoms I’ve been calling ADHD are varied. Some are merely annoying, while others have significantly limited my ability to do my job (a factor in my decision to retire early) and to do things I actually want to do, like writing novels. Over the years I’ve developed workarounds for a lot of what used to be more prominent symptoms — making lists, self-rewards for completing minor tasks, optimized playlists for when I need to focus, self-medicating with caffeine pills. But not everything has yielded to workarounds. There are still challenges that are genuinely getting in the way of my life.

Some of the minor annoyances involve being easily distracted. I’ll think of something I want to do on my phone, pick it up, unlock it — and the moment I see a notification, I impulsively open that app and completely forget what I originally intended to do. If I’m lucky, I’ll remember it soon enough to act on it. I’m usually not that lucky. This happens multiple times a day.

Then there’s self-regulation. For example, I’ll know I need to be in bed by a certain time because of something important the next morning, but I just can’t put my phone down. I keep cycling — email, social media, Substack, news, Reddit, back to email — aware the whole time that I’m wasting time, aware that I should have been asleep an hour ago, and still unable to stop.

My relationship with time is its own peculiar thing. I’m not talking about losing track of time while engrossed in a good book — I genuinely hope most people experience that. I mean something stranger. I’m often completely unable to estimate how long a task will take, which used to cause recurring problems at work. I’ll also convince myself I have plenty of time for something that’s due very soon. (Could I research and write a 25-page term paper in under 48 hours, on an electronic typewriter, before the age of word processors? Yes. I even got an A.) But the flip side is equally strange: tasks that are nearly a year away can feel urgent and imminent, like they’re happening tomorrow. When my husband and I decided to move to Spain, I spent several days in a panic about everything we weren’t doing right now — even though my rational mind knew perfectly well that we had plenty of time to plan and act methodically. The irrational mind was convinced we were already behind a schedule that didn’t exist.

The biggest challenge, however, is something I sometimes call engagement and effort inhibition, and sometimes just call work avoidance. It kicks in when I have an important, complicated task ahead of me — writing a scene in a novel, drafting a test plan, documenting a process for handoff — anything requiring sustained, deep thinking. I can have it all planned out: I know what the scene needs to accomplish, I know what needs to be tested and what tools I have, I know the details of the process. But when it’s time to actually do the work, my mind balks. Instead of starting, I feel a near-physical need to distract myself. Grab my phone and scroll. Tidy the desk, the room, the kitchen. Write a blog post about my inability to write the scene. Practice Spanish. Watch another YouTube video about moving to Spain. Anything but the work. And if I manage to force myself to actually sit down and do it, the pull of distraction slowly ramps up until it becomes unbearable.

I do have some partially effective coping mechanisms. Caffeine pills take the edge off the urge to flee into distraction (without making me feel wired, oddly). Certain music helps me focus. Small rewards — a bit of dark chocolate every so many words — can be motivating. I’ll use a Pomodoro timer. But even deployed all at once, it’s still monumentally difficult to get these tasks done, even when it’s something I genuinely want to do, like writing. It’s not that the work is hard, or unpleasant, or unfulfilling. I’m a skilled writer. I enjoy writing. I love the satisfaction of a well-crafted scene. You’d think it would be a simple matter of saying “I’m going to do this now.” It never is.

The one exception had been NaNoWriMo. The need to write roughly 1,667 words per day to hit fifty thousand words by the end of November gave me real daily deadlines with real consequences for missing them. I still struggled with focus, but the deadlines were genuinely, significantly helpful. Deadlines are often cited as a workaround for the focus difficulties that come with ADHD, and I believe it — but self-imposed deadlines don’t work for me. What worked about NaNoWriMo was that an external agency would validate my completion, reward me if I succeeded, and withhold that reward if I didn’t. That accountability was strangely powerful in a way that my own intentions simply aren’t.

So, those are my major challenges with what I’ve been calling my ADHD. The fact that the book’s examples and symptoms feel so different from my own experience has been discouraging. What I most want to get past is the engagement inhibition — I’m not going to get far as a writer if I’m constantly battling myself just to sit down and work. Thankfully, the book isn’t my only resource. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist in a couple of weeks, where I’m hoping to get a formal diagnosis and a treatment plan. I’ll bring up my concerns then. Hopefully he’ll have better answers than I’m finding in the book.

One final thought: Several people have suggested I might have co-occurring autism — sometimes called AuDHD — and that this could be why the ADHD described in the book doesn’t align with my experience. It’s a real possibility. My mom has suggested I might be autistic, and it’s a trait that runs in my family. Unfortunately, when I began the ADHD evaluation intake, a friendly technician warned me not to bring up autism during the process. Kaiser apparently treats autism differently, and if it’s raised, the evaluation gets redirected toward an autism evaluation — which is harder to get a positive diagnosis for, and a negative result would end both evaluations. I don’t know how accurate that is, but I wasn’t willing to risk it. Once the ADHD process is complete, I’ll bring it up with my psychiatrist.

Goal-Powered Role-Playing

2026-02-10 /

Inspired by the excellent book The Game Master’s Handbook of Proactive Roleplaying by Jonah and Tristan Fishel, I’ve been experimenting with a concept I call “goal-powered role-playing.” My gaming groups and I are still in the exploratory phase of implementing this system, but I wanted to get my ideas down on paper. Since I generally run Savage Worlds at my tables, that system has served as our primary lens for exploring this concept.

The system has two intentions. First, it gives players a chance to spotlight the things that matter most to their characters — what they’re hoping to get out of their danger-filled lives. Second, it fuels the GM’s creativity, allowing them to craft stories and adventures that feel tethered to the player characters rather than independent of them. The synergy between these two intentions produces stories that make sense for the characters and a world that genuinely reacts to their actions. Pretty powerful stuff.

Aspirational Goals

To start, each player defines an Aspirational Goal for their character — the thing the character believes, at this moment in their life, will make them happy. It’s what they think they want. This goal will likely evolve over the course of the campaign, because the engine of good storytelling is character growth and change. A character might begin convinced that enough gold pieces to buy a quiet tavern and retire is all they need. But over time, they might discover that freeing an oppressed people, toppling a corrupt ruler, or learning to believe in themselves the way their loved ones do matters far more.

Intermediate Goals

Each player should also define two or three Intermediate Goals — arcs the player wants to explore with their character. Each intermediate goal should support the character’s aspirational goal and take a small handful of sessions to complete. “Discover what happened to my parents” or “figure out what’s behind all these zombies” are good examples: they’ll each take several sessions to resolve and can be broken down into concrete subgoals.

Immediate Goals

Speaking of subgoals — each player should define at least two, and preferably three to five, Immediate Goals for each of their intermediate goals. Each should be something accomplishable in a single session. They don’t need to be a complete roadmap; they can simply reflect what the character knows they can do right now, with further steps to be determined based on the outcomes. “Talk to the bank manager and find out who has access to the vault,” “ask the local sage about the history of the Crimson Claw goblin clan,” or “carouse the starport bars to gather allies for the upcoming battle” are all things that can be done in a session and move an intermediate goal forward.

Using Character Goals

GMs should work with their players to keep goals scoped appropriately and to help brainstorm goals that suit their character concepts. It can also be valuable to encourage players to invent aspects of the campaign setting in support of their goals. This worldbuilding might include factions the characters work for or against, towns or star systems where formative events occurred, enemies who have wronged them, or visions delivered by their deities. GMs have final say over these inventions to prevent conflicts with their own vision — but in general, GMs should rise to the challenge and weave player-created content into the setting.

Once all participating players have defined their goals at each level, the GM should incorporate them into session planning. Intermediate Goals suggest character arcs; look for ways to develop and surprise with them. Immediate Goals suggest events, opportunities, and encounters for the next session. Aspirational Goals are seeds for the future — use them to challenge the characters, test their mettle, and help players explore their characters’ deepest motivations.

Rewards and Upkeep

At the end of each session, spend a few minutes reviewing goal progress with each player. If a player feels they’ve completed an Immediate Goal, check it off and reward the character. In Savage Worlds, I grant an extra Benny for the next session; in D&D 5th Edition, Heroic Inspiration works well. Completing an Intermediate Goal earns a more substantial reward. In Savage Worlds, I award a point of Conviction — a significant bonus. For D&D, I’d offer a boon: perhaps a narrative asset (a title, a reputation, a new ally), a permanent minor feature related to the goal, or something more meta.

Between sessions, players should spend a little time revisiting their goals and determining whether any need to be added, updated, or retired. Just as in real life, revelations and changing circumstances can render goals obsolete. Keeping them fresh ensures they stay relevant and actionable — especially for players motivated by the rewards that come with completing them. Expect to spend a few minutes at the start of each session reviewing and updating goals with GM input.

Participation Is Optional

At my tables, creating and maintaining character goals is entirely optional. Not every player is comfortable taking such an active role in shaping their character’s world. Some prefer to be more reactive — to let the world happen to them — and that’s perfectly valid. But the players at my table who have embraced this system are visibly engaged when they make progress on their goals, enjoy the spotlight time, and are, frankly, pleased to collect the in-game rewards.

If you try this system, or something like it, I’d love to hear how it’s working at your table.

On Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

2026-01-04 /

A dear friend recently posted something on Facebook that appeared to condemn Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), calling it “gaslighting bullshit.” I took great umbrage at that assertion and, in fact, found it infuriating.

I’ll concede that I may have misinterpreted my friend’s intent. They mentioned hating apps that claim to use CBT. I haven’t used those apps, and perhaps what the apps present as CBT is merely hollow, meaningless affirmations. If that’s the case, I would likely agree about the uselessness—and possibly even harm—these apps pose. (This possibility is why I’m posting this in my own space rather than theirs.)

However, that’s not how I read my friend’s criticism. I interpreted it as an attack on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in general, and such an indictment runs completely contrary to my personal experience as a beneficiary of the technique. To be blunt: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy saved my life.

Before explaining why, I need to offer two caveats. First, I can only speak to my personal experience with the technique; others may have encountered CBT in different forms and come away with different impressions. Second, I’ll be discussing my struggle with depression, including references to suicidal ideation. If this content may cause you harm, please read no further.

I’ve always struggled with depression, though it took years to recognize it as such. As a teenager, I experienced days-long “sulks,” as my parents called them, periods when, if I got out of bed at all, I would spend every available moment lying there, dark thoughts swirling through my head. Yes, I frequently contemplated self-harm, seeking to “end it all” and relieve my suffering or, as I would have said then, “relieve the world of my unbearable presence.” Only the fact that most methods seemed overly painful prevented me from following through.

As I grew older, I learned to mask my depression better, or at least I thought I did. The hard crashes continued occasionally, and the only thing that seemed to help was listening to Indigo Girls. Something about their songs spoke to my inner core of internalized homophobia and loneliness. My friends noticed my struggles, though they misattributed the causes. Coming out helped relieve some symptoms, but the depression persisted, and I still crashed periodically.

Eventually, intense employment stress triggered the worst of my depression, causing me to snap at coworkers and surround myself with a nearly palpable gloom that drove others away. This cost me my job. I was fired from a company I had helped found. Subsequent positions met similar fates as my depression fed on my employment troubles, creating a vicious cycle of worsening mental illness.

I write all this so that you have an understanding how much I was affected by depression.

Finally, I was convinced to seek help. I started taking antidepressants and meeting with a therapist, who suggested we try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. He described it as identifying distorted thinking—moments when my internal monologue was full of inaccuracies—and finding evidence to prove those thoughts wrong.

(My subsequent reading supported this characterization. “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy” by David D. Burns is a foundational work in popularizing CBT. The book explores the many ways depression distorts our thinking and offers strategies to counter these distortions. Some characterize CBT as “feel-good toxic positivity,” but I believe they’re entirely wrong.)

Here are some things my depression told me in my darkest moments:

* “You fail at everything.”
* “You’re a stupid loser.”
* “No one wants to spend time with you. No one cares about you.”
* “You’ll never be loved.”

Two revelations of CBT were particularly helpful for me. First, my mind was lying to me, and it was easy to prove these statements inaccurate. Second, my mind dealt in absolutes—and as Obi-Wan Kenobi says, “only the Sith deal in absolutes.”

My therapist helped me recognize these thoughts and thought patterns, identify them, and compile a list of common ones. Then we examined each and found instances in my life—events that happened or things people said—that proved the thoughts inaccurate or, more bluntly, were lies. We completed worksheets documenting times I had succeeded and conducted honest assessments of my skills, talents, and abilities. We reviewed invitations I’d received to parties and events, and noted how people at the weekly board game night I co-hosted enjoyed my jokes and valued my observations.

All these data points proved my all-or-nothing thinking was simply wrong. Given how my mind works, having concrete evidence that a statement is false severely weakens its hold on me. Once the lies are exposed, they lose their power.

As people often say about mental illness: depression lies. CBT helped me expose those lies and counter them with fact-based proof. Is CBT a cure? LOL, No. I still experience depression and bleak periods. But I no longer tolerate the absolute, all-or-nothing, distorted thinking that once pulled me deeper into darkness. I can now recognize depression for what it is, identify distorted thinking, and stop it in its tracks. I wouldn’t have these tools without my therapist suggesting Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

Will CBT work for everyone? I doubt it. I defer to trained therapists and psychologists who have the experience to recognize when CBT would benefit their patients.

But it worked for me, and I won’t tolerate anyone gaslighting me by calling it bullshit.

Moving to Spain

2025-12-09 /

I haven’t been doing much novel writing lately—my time has been completely absorbed by two TTRPG campaigns and a special new project.

Over the years, my husband and I have traveled to Spain several times. We’ve spent days wandering Barcelona and enjoyed the sun-drenched calm of Mallorca and Ibiza. It didn’t take long for us to fall in love with that part of the country: the walkable cities, the sense of safety, the warmth of the people, and the stunning architecture. My husband, in particular, felt an immediate pull to spend much more time there.

That affection eventually led him to explore the possibility of moving abroad. At first, I was hesitant to take the idea seriously—but he soon made it clear that he was increasingly certain he wanted to make the move, and it would be up to me to decide whether I would join him. He has spent thirty years following me as I pursued my own dreams; how could I not follow him in return? And truthfully, the possibilities ahead excite me.

For the past several months, we’ve been researching what such a move would require. We’ve taken online courses—one especially helpful resource was the Move to Spain Masterclass from Spain Revealed—and joined a variety of online communities. We’ve learned a great deal, and although the path ahead will be challenging, we’re still committed to pursuing it. Our current estimate is that we won’t be ready to relocate until late 2026 or early 2027. As for where we’ll end up, we’re not entirely sure yet—only that it will be somewhere along the Mediterranean coast. We’re already planning a “scouting trip” to visit several cities and get a feel for what might become our future home.

Friend have asked whether it’s the political climate in the US that’s causing us to be planning this. I’d be lying if I said it had not impact, but it’s not really a primary motivation. Michael has been thinking strongly about this for over a year, well before Trump’s second administration became a possibility. If anything, it’s affecting our timeline more than it is being a cause.

There’s still plenty of research, paperwork, and planning ahead, not to mention getting rid of many years of accumulation of stuff in the house, but every step makes the move feel a little more tangible. I’m looking forward to sharing each milestone as we get closer to a Mediterranean sunrise of our own.

A Thought on Process

2025-10-25 /

I find I take an engineer’s approach to my writing. I’m focused on the mechanics of what makes a salable product. I want to know the typical word count for a novel in the genre I’m intending to write. I want to know the expectations of readers in that genre so I can craft a novel that lovers of said genre will enjoy. If I know approximately how many words I need to write, and I know my average scene length (2,000 words), I know how many scenes I should plan to write. Then, as I’m laying out the key scenes, fitting them into the appropriate structure for the genre (the Three Act structure seems to be the most commonly used across multiple genres), I can see whether I already have too many subplots, or whether I need to develop additional ones. While I do outline, I don’t follow it slavishly. The story plan always changes as I write the actual scenes. But I like to know in advance that each scene is necessary, contributes to the plot, and that the major plot holes are filled in before I start the text of the manuscript.

This makes me a pariah amongst the purist writers who insist stories should arise completely organically, and that novels should be exactly long enough to tell the story that has arisen, and word count is for the editor to worry about. Ah, well.

2025-01-21 /

Added a new scene to the novel, 1550 words. I still feel like this particular romantic subplot is not gelling and not fitting in with the overall story. I need to find a way for it to contribute more to the main plot. But perhaps that’s something I’ll figure out in the rewrite.

2025-01-18 /

I added 2500 or so words to my current work in progress, two important scenes. Four more before I hit the midpoint of the novel. If I keep going at this rate, the midpoint will happen just shy of 50K words. A little long for a cozy, but I’ll find ways to tighten it up during edit passes.

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