So one of the things I’m working on in my head as I open this new chapter in my life, especially when it comes to my writing, is flipping the script from “I have to do this” to “I want to do this.” I’ve spent most of my life laboring under one massive obligation or another. Whether it was school or a job, I’m doing things because I have to. Only on rare occasions have I found myself laboring because I wanted to do something. Working at conventions is such a time. So is gamemastering sometimes (though often I do feel the weight of obligation to my players). There is no obligation now, at least not to other people. I still generally feel like I “have to.”

But a couple times in the last few days I’ve been able to hear myself say it’s what I want to do, that I could walk away from it with no penalty, and what’s keeping me at that desk is self fulfillment. It’s a very unaccustomed feeling.